Standing on the rooftops

It got really warm again. Where is my winter?-I miss the snow. I am a northerner if nothing else, I don’t really like this winter. I want to have snow to walk through, to crunch through. I miss my twilight that lasts for hours and paints the snow blue.

I am further in my degree than I thought I was. So I dropped one of the classes I don’t need so that while I’m powering through my major I can take a language to the 200 level. What that means is that if I go for my masters or phd that I will already have met the language requirement. I think that’ll be pretty spiffy.

I’m waffling between growing my hair out more or cutting it off into a mohawk. If I grow it out more it’ll be kinda. I don’t know. I haven’t had long hair for a while, I don’t like it on me because I have thick hair. Thick dark wavy hair that is a thousand degrees in the summer. And it’s so just. Ugly to me. I don’t like it at all.

I’m waffling because I’m looking for a job too. So. If I cut my hair into something that’s odd then it possibly impacts what job I get. If I leave it how it is then I can get possibly get a job but it could be a douche-y one.

I should just cut it and run with it.

There’s nothing to fear but fear itself, no?

À bientôt!

Zed ❤

Greetings again!

I love this video so much right now. It puts into feelings, exposes better than I could. 

I’ve been putting off writing here for awhile. For a long time I just didn’t feel like it, like it wouldn’t make any kind of difference one way or another. Only, it does make a difference. I get better at typing out my thoughts, my ideas and in that I re examine why I believe those things. And how.

I believe that there are different ways to experience things. Which is kinda neat. I don’t think that this blog will ever get a larger readership; however it might have some people who check in from time to time. Maybe I’ll get much better at writing, at typing, at explaining and examining things and people will want to read it. Who knows.

I am hard to get a hold. I am slippery. I make plans and then sometimes social anxiety gets to me. It sucks but sometimes being surrounded by people is a frightening thing. Or the way in which I am dressed suddenly becomes reprehensible; how could I possibly imagine that this would be a good idea to wear. My confidence is fleeting at times. I do like socializing with some people, that’s the crux of all this. There are some people whom I would rather not socialize with though and the way/shape/form I socialize is odd.

I suck at picking up on body language. I know when something is wrong, sometimes with body language but still. It can be awkward when people crack a joke, when it’s encoded within sarcasm or black humor and I get part of it but still. People with body language is odd. Like I can pick up when people are happy and I’m doing what they want, it’s still odd.

I guess it’s like learning another language.

So this semester, along with getting a better GPA I am going to grow some confidence. That doesn’t try to flee at odd moments. What I do know and when I do get things, I get them. I’m that person sitting in the classroom who’s bored out of their skull when they understand what they’re doing, giving more complex answers than what’s warranted and that generally stops any kind of conversation or is so far outside the realm of conversation it’s kind of stupid. I am that person. The idiot savant. You would think that I’d be more self confident more of the time but it’s odd.

Anyways I’ve rambled quite a bit.

À bientôt!

I promise to write sooner again!

Zed ❤